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Post by Cujo on Jan 22, 2007 17:13:21 GMT -5
Hey! this is a story me and Phoenix have been writing:
"The Sleep Over" (Chapter one)
Phoenix was on her way to her best friend's house. She was thinking about how they had met.
Phoenix had been going to a party at sunset. when she arrived she saw someone who was wearing a black and gold Rurouni Kenshin t-shirt //I've actually got one...lol// with jeans. The girl came up to her and said, "Hello....I'm Artemis." "My name is Phoenix." she had replied. Their friendship had grown since then. Now they could practically read each other's minds.
Phoenix lokked up and she was at Artemis's house. Artemis was waiting by the door, stareing at the moon. "Did you find out?" Artemis asked her. "Yes, I did. I'll tell you in a minute." Phoenix replied. "Okay. I fugured out my part too....and more!" Artemis said. "I'll start." Phoenix said. "Alright. We can figure out why you're always seeing fire when there isn't any, why you can predict the weather three years in the future, and why you're always last to leave the lunch room, but never late to class, even though, up until now, you have had no idea how!" Artemis said. "Okay. Tell me what you know now." she finished.
//That was the first chapter. let me know if you want me to type the next one.//
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Post by Mace on Jan 22, 2007 17:18:48 GMT -5
First off, just some grammer stuff, All author notes should either go at the begining or the end of the story, not the middle //I actually have on lol// you might want to have put that at the end, because it distracts you from the story.
When ever some one knew starts speaking, start a new paragraph. - "Did you find out?" Artemis asked her. "Yes, I did. I'll tell you in a minute." Phoenix replied. - That should read like this -
"Did you find out?" Artemis asked her.
"Yes, I did. I'll tell you in a minute." Phoenix replied. -
Otherwise you got a good start.
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Post by .avaline on Jan 22, 2007 17:19:59 GMT -5
I likey
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Post by Cujo on Jan 22, 2007 17:20:29 GMT -5
Yeah, I know. I just didn't feel like doing that and it isn't written in the notebook that way, so i tend to type it the way it is in the notebook...lol
//chapter two//
"The day I was born"
"I was born on a stormy night, people were evacuating the hospital due to a tornado warning near the area, and then exactly when I was born, lightning struck the building and caused a fire. That took place in the room in which I was born. Then it seemed that a bolt of lightning hit the fire and formed a ball that kept disappearing for a second and the reappeared right next to me. It then went inside of me. All I know now is that I was the only one to survive in that room."
"Wow. That sounds sort of like what I found out about what happened to me before I got dumped at the orphanege." Artemis said.
"Can I finish now?!" Phoenix asked, getting annoyed.
"Sure, why not?" was Artemis's reply.
"Well all I know now is that I've had half of this orange crystal ball hanging around my neck since then."
"I have a blue one!" Artemis cried, inturupting Phoenix again.
//i've got to finish this later, I have to go eat dinner.//
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Post by Mace on Jan 22, 2007 17:35:24 GMT -5
Nice!
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Post by .avaline on Jan 22, 2007 18:07:05 GMT -5
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Post by Cujo on Jan 22, 2007 18:42:30 GMT -5
//here is the rest of chapter two.//
"I wasn't done!" Phoenix said, looking at Artemis with a 'shut up now or be vaporized' look on her face.
"Sorry." Artemis said, glancing down.
"Also my eyes used to be brown. Now they are red and yellow, with flames going across them, and my hair is turning orange, red, and yellow!" Phoenix stated. "I keep dreaming stuff, and you keep telling me what they mean." she finished.
"Tell me one of your most recent dreams." Artemis said, listening intently.
"Okay." Phoenix began, "You know Kurt, the guy I have a crush on? Well, last night in my dream he asked me out, and then we went to Disney World." Phoenix finished her statement by sighing dreamily.
"I think that you are having visions of the future." Artemis replied,paused for a moment, then continued. "Well, the way I see it, Kurt is going to ask you out and then a year later you will get married. You are in high school right now, as am I, and we are both seniors. So in three days Kurt is going to ask you out."
"Are you sure?" Phoenix asked wearily.
"Yes, I am." Artemis answered.
After that they stayed up all night watching X-men Evolution and Rurouni Kenshin episodes. They ate candy, popcorn, chips, and strawberries, and drank a bunch of pop.
//End of chapter two.//
Monday: After School (aka: three days later)
"Artemis! Artemis! Kurt asked me out!" Phoenix said excitedly explained, barely able to controll her excitment. "My dream has come true!" Phoenix looked over and saw that Artemis was about to get into her car and ran over.
"Phoenix, hurry up! You can freak out in the car! Just don't get my seats or dashboard dirty!" Artemis said, half impatient, and half kidding around. Artemis stood there, watching Phoenix run as fast as she could from the doors of the high school to her car.
Phoenix was on the last flight of steps when she suddenly disappeared in a flash of smoke and then reappeared right next to Artemis's car.
"Phoenix, how did you do that?!" Artemis said, getting into the car.
"I don't know but I think I just teleported!" Phoenix exclaimed, getting into the passenger seat.
"Look your fire crystal is glowing!" Artemis exclaimed, stunned.
"Sweet!" was Phoenix's only reply.
When they left Artemis's house after school it was nearly dark. They decided to go camping in the forest, because it was now Friday. When they got out of the car, they unloaded their stuff at their campsite.
//finish later....got show choir in 20 min...got to go//
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Post by ~Phoenix Storm~ on Jan 23, 2007 17:42:16 GMT -5
this is a series and is called *Lightning Fire*
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Post by Cujo on Jan 23, 2007 17:59:58 GMT -5
//Um...DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (o...i didn't put that...whoopsies....o well.)
rest of chapter 3:
They set up the tent and then Phoenix went to get the firewood. When she came back, Artemis was searching through her bag.
"What are you looking for?" Phoenix asked her.
"The matches, I think that I left them on my dresser." Artemis said, looking up at Phoenix.
"Let me try something." Phoenix said, clutching her crystal in her hand. All of the sudden the firewood burst into flames.
"Don't ask." Phoenix said, looking at Artemis.
A few hours later they heard a twig snap. A huge bear was coming into the campsite! Artemis and Phoenix held their crystals with one hand and put the other hand out infront of them. Artemis shot a bright blue lightning bolt out of her hand, and Phoenix had somehow managed to shoot a fire-tornado out of her hand. The bolt and tornado hit the bear at such a great force that the bear went flying from the site.
After staying up half an hour to make sure that the bear didn't return, they went to bed wondering what they had just done.
//end of chapter 3.//
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Post by Mace on Jan 23, 2007 18:03:34 GMT -5
Cool, the only thing I would do is rewrite the seen with the bear and make it more intimate, don't just narrate it, you want to give your readers experiences not information (taken from Self edting for Fiction writers)
Oh and since this story is about your guys history (I'm assuming it is anyways) I will post it on the website if you like.
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Post by Cujo on Jan 23, 2007 19:41:06 GMT -5
((Kinda, but you'd have to change Artemis's name. And they are 16 when this all occurs...and are 16 on the site...so...yeah...and we wrote this really fast, I was going to add more detail to the bear thing but was to lazy to...lol))
Chapter 4: Back Home
After they woke up and were reeady to go, Artemis got into the driver's seat, and Phoenix teleported into the passanger's seat next to her.
"Stop popping up in front of me! It's annoying." Artemis said, shocked and angry at the same time.
"Sorry...won't happen anymore." Phoenix said, then muttered, "much."
"What was that?!"
"Nothing."
Artemis began to turn the key in the ignition, but the car didn't start. She tried again, and this time the car supptered, then died.
"Da..." Artemis began, but then she shot a bolt of lightning into the car's keyhole.
"Artemis!" Phoenix cried, swinging her arm at her.
"I was going to say dang, I swear!"
"Good."
After about thirty seconds of silence, Phoenix's head flew forward and struck the dashboard.
"Ouch!" she cried.
"That is for swinging your arm at me!" Artemis said, glaring at Phoenix.
"Don't touch me!"
"I didn't, I used telekinesis. So you had better be a good little girl and obey everything I say." Was Artemis's reply, and then she stuck her tounge out at Phoenix.
"Try that again, and I'll burn you to a crisp!"
"Can we go home before next century, please?" Artemis said, changing the subject.
"Sure." Phoenix began, "Oh! You were going to tell me what happened before you ended up at the orphanege!" She finished.
After a few moments of silence, Artemis said,
"Alright. I will." Then she took a deep breath.
//If this was our history, it would have to change, a lot. The names, the places, the ages, the...everything! lol...We started this before we even knew about the site, actually.//
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Post by Mace on Jan 24, 2007 18:22:34 GMT -5
Hey close enough for me, just as long as it concerns your characters, it doesn't matter if it takes place in the future or before hand, so if I have your permission I'll put it on the website.
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Post by Cujo on Jan 24, 2007 18:38:48 GMT -5
Yeah, go ahead and post it. It's not Lightning's history, but it can be Phoenix's if she wants.
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Post by Mace on Jan 24, 2007 18:54:45 GMT -5
alright, I might do just a little editing, like wrong spelling (ex. Two and Too) and anyother things that don't change the story.
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Post by Cujo on Jan 24, 2007 19:09:42 GMT -5
whoops...sorry...i do that sometimes.
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