"A Hidden Life". Mutators story.

[FireiceXHydroXFirestorm]

Chapter 1: Of a Memory

It was dark, darker then usual. On a night like this, it was unusual. But all of her life was unusual, she was different...peculiar. She didn't look any different from the other kids at her school, she was just peculiar. The orange moon sluggishly tried to break through the clouds, but its attempts were fruitless. Meaningless. The air was heavy with an approaching storm and the hair on the back of the girl's neck stood on end. Something bad was going to happen; she knew it. The girl stuffed her hands in her pockets and went a little bit faster. The girl was tall, about five-foot three, she had electric-blue eyes and her short but bright blond hair tickled her cheeks. She was wearing long blue jeans with cat paw-prints running up and down the leggings. She also was wearing a yellow and red shirt with a cat's face on it. Her upper-arms homed a couple of arm bands and a lovely, opal ring sheltered on her left hand's ring finger. The moon finally got its wishes and rays of dim orange filtered through the storm clouds. A rustle came from a hedge and the girl stopped, listening intently for any unwanted visitor. After a few minutes she sighed, realizing that it was none but her friends. "Hello, Pride," she said happily. She did not speak loud, afraid that anything loud would break the storm's wait. "Are we to be in peace tonight?" Another girl, shorter then the blond-haired girl stepped from the group and let her hood fall around her shoulders, her red-brown eyes seemed to peirce the darkness and her long, brown hair fell around her torso. "Yes, even though we are in a time of battle, Corinne. I'm surprised that you even directed us as 'Pride'." Corinne was shocked but kept her voice even. "I know, Jane. But my own reasons are to be kept unto myself." Her eyes flickered to the other girls. "And are they too...agreeing?" Jane nodded, her hair slithering across her shoulders. "It was hard to convince Diana, but we did so." Corinne smiled a wry smile when she saw Diana, a even taller girl then Corinne, grimace. "Are we to start, Pride?" The girls all nodded in unision. The shortest girl of all, Brooke, stepped to the front of the group with Breanne and Jakayla flanking her sides to speak. Brooke cleared her throat and she started the Pride meeting. "We all know that Pride are surviving on their very fabrics, depending on one another to keep us all alive. Breanne, Jakayla, and I believe that Pride is to separate...for good." A cauterwawl of rage came from Corinne's mouth and everyone turned to look at her. Corinne stood up and Brooke, Breannne, and Jakayla sat down in the circle. Corinne's cat-like eyes flashed yellow from a beam of moonlight and her voice rang out through the clearing. "You are to say that, but what about everybody else?! I don't agree. Jane?" She looked hopefully but she was met with a shake of Jane's head. "Diana?" Corinne was even met with a more dreadful answer when Diana said, "And you are to believe that I will stay? Think again." The same thing continued until Corinne was done. She stood there, shell-shocked by what her friends had said. "You all promised," she yelled. "You all promised that we would stay as Pride, forever!" Tears started rolling down her cheeks and Corinne's shoulders started shaking. Jane got up and put an arm around her shoulders. "Cat, dont..." Corinne shook her friend's comforting gesture off and she glared at Jane. "If Pride is no more, then why are you to call me by my Pride name? Why am I Cat if there is even no Pride?!" Corinne started walking away. The girls left behind; Katie, Jane, Diana, Patience, Jakayla, Breanne, and Brooke exchanged nervous glances and walked off themselves, an obvious silent announcement that that was their last meeting...and that it had just drawn to a close. They went their separate ways, leaving behind only memories and distant dreams.

As Corinne was walking to a destination that even she didn't know, a prescence followed her. It was different, not even alive, it was a plain old shadow...or was it. Corinne stopped, she could feel it, her sister's prescence. Without turning around the girl mumbled into the darkness. "I know you're there, Shadow. What do you want?" A girl appeared out the shadows and her pale, white skin seemed to glow eeirily in the orange moonlight. "They're coming after you, you know, Cat?" Her voice was mocking and held a hint of sarcasm. Corinne turned to looked at her sister, Shadow posessed no looks like Corinne's. Unlike Corinne's olive-toned skin, Shadow's was white and pale. Their eyes were none like each others either. The contrast was that Shadow's eyes were red and her pupil was a flaring yellow. Corinne's was an unnatural blue and her pupils were constantly slits. "Don't ever call me Cat again," she snarled. "And why would they be after me? What do they want?" Shadw sneered. "Oh, I think you know what they are after. They're after your, how should I say it, peculiarity." Corinne's nostrils flared. "There is nothing peculiar about me, Shadow. It's you who is the mutant." Shadow shrugged her shoulders. "I may be a mutant, but I am a human," she said in a taunting tone. Corinne readied for fight. "Yeah, and what is your point, Shadow?" Shadow smiled wickedly. "That you should save your friends, Cat. Because they have already captured them. Because I led them like a bloodhound." Corinne was star-struck. "You, *****! You led them to my friends?!" But Shadow was already gone. Being one with the shadows like a regular shadow-traveler. Corinne started running, her lungs were used to endurance and her leg muscles were used to scaling mountains. Soon, she reached a labratory set far back into the forest, not from a mine with billions of gems embedded into the walls. The labratory got their power from radiation from the crystals. Corinne hated this place, absolutely hated it! Corinne saw no life in the lab, maybe Shadow lied. But Corinne highly doubted that. Shadow would want something like this to happen to Corinne. She advanced on the building trying her best to not get detected. But her attempts were in vain. She was not a mutant, unlike half the residents at the labratory. Corinne felt a powerful blow from behind that left her unconscious.

//I'll finish it later. I actually like it so far. Of course, Corinne is Felidae before she went through the transformation.//

[Fragment:.]

That sounds good so far! ;D Ya!

[Mace]

Alright, pretty good so far. Though there needs to be some editing. You need to put in paraghaphs, lots of pharagraphs. Every time a new person speaks you need to make a new paragraph. Also just a little proof reading in general is needed.

Um, let's see, the Pride talked rather weird, which if that is just how they are, that's cool. There is a place for weird diolog, so if that's part of their character that's fine.

Also, the way you switched to her coming to the lab, that just really didn't seem to work....maybe a little bit more narrative? More of a seperation?

I got pretty confused when the Pride entered, mainly because it switched around between several girls, the most helpful thing there would be paragraphing, that might clear it up.

Your beginning narrative was pretty good, just becareful that you don't make it too heavy. To many descriptive words can get very annoying to read very fast.

I won't go into the swear word, since you already know how I feel about swearing. All I'll say is I don't appreciate it, and I have thrown books away because of the swearing.

Hope you don't mind me nitpicking your story, writing is my passion. The story is off to an interesting start, so keep writing!

[FireiceXHydroXFirestorm]

Ok, yeah sorry about the word. But Corinne really hates Shadow for selling her friends. Yeah, I was kinda in a hurry so I wasn't able to put paragraphs. Also, that is how Pride speak. They're...different.

[FireiceXHydroXFirestorm]

Yeah, sorry about double posting. But I'm putting some more up!

The damp smell of mold made Corinne rise. She felt groggy, like a highly drugged animal. She was lying on her back on the cold concrete floor. She shivered from the cold, not just that, but fear also. Corinne flipped over on her stomach and used her arms to push herself up. She tried to see her surroundings in the gloom, but the drugs and the darkness made it almost impossible to see three feet in front of her.
Soon, shapes seemed to melt out of the darkness and Corinne could see with pure horror the bodies hanged by shackles on the slimy walls. It was Pride! But their once normal shaped form was made to be grotesque by mutations. Katie's shirt and arms were covered with blood and two shapes jutted out of her back. Corinne squinted her eyes to see that they were bird wings! What had they done? She looked at her other friends, they were in even worse conditions and she felt tears come to her eyes. Why had Shadow done this?! She had no absolute reason to do this! Corinne sobbed and held her head in her hands. But there was something wrong...cool but sharp metal brushed her skin. Corinne took her hands off her face and yowled in horror. Long, hideous claws were sliding out of the spaces between her knuckles. Her eyes widened. They had done the same thing to me?! She quickly got up but blood rushed to her head and she had to sit back down on the cage's floor. Corinne felt a part of her body lightly brush a steel bar. She looked over her shoulder to see a long, creamy-brown tail swishing back and forth. Corinne felt an adrenaline rush and started throwing herself at the steel bars that wrere keeping her impriosoned. Feeling exhausted and confused, Corinne lay there, panting and her head in her hands. What was there to do?! They had gotten to Pride and herself. An agonized moan made Corinne's head jolt up from its position. She felt her heart race with excitement when she saw a movement from Patience. Patience was now a wolf-human. Tall, rounded ears were swiveling on her head while a long, gray wolf-tail was dangling uselessly from her.
"Corinne," she moaned.
Corinne strained her cat ears to hear her....what?! Cat ears!? Corinne reached up and felt them, soft powerful-hearing ears of a cat were attached to her. WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO HER?!?! She obviously couldn't remember anything. Her life was over! There was nothing to live for. Her sisters either hated her or were gone from the face of the Earth. Pride was ruined. And she was a shunned creature now in the eyes of others.
//I'm gonna write the rest later! Hope ya'll like it!//

[Mace]

Pretty good!

Once again, a general proof reading needs to be done, though I didn't pick up many mistakes.

In the beginning paragraph you the word 'she' and 'Corinne' several times, which I know in some cases is unavoidable, but you might want to work on it a little, there are ways around it...

You used a lot of ! marks, you might want to cut down on that, same thing with the question marks, only use both when necessary.

Very cool, I like how the story is coming, you are keeping it moving which is always a good thing, keep writing!

[FireiceXHydroXFirestorm]

Thanks, Mace! I'm sorry about all the !s and the ?s. Like you said, I should cut down on that. Actually, I'm making this up wjile I'm writing so there probably will be mistakes. As you have said before, I did separate it into paragraphs!

[Mace]

Yes, thanks for paragraphing, that was very helpful!