Chasing Dreams

[Cujo]

(this is just the prologue, let me know what you guys think!)




A man sat in an old wooden chair on the far side of a room. He shimmering blonde hair that was cut so it fell just above his baby-blue eyes. He had broad shoulders, and was very tall and muscular. He wore shabby brown cloth pants, and a tattered blue shirt. He had a brown hat placed on his head, pulled down so you could not see his eyes.
His eyes flitting nervously around the room, he started to get up out of the chair. But just before he had a chance to take even two steps away, the wooden door flew open with a loud bang. A woman with raven-colored hair and dark green eyes entered the room. The man immediately sat back down in the chair.
“What do you want with me?” He said, a mixture of anger and fear in his voice. The man, who had been nervous just moments before, showed no sign of being afraid or nervous now. He glared at the woman who had entered, pure hatred showing in his eyes.
“I just want to talk, is all,” She began, “Queen Nyra just needs some information.” The raven-hair woman walked across the room until she was standing in front of the man. She smirked at him, thinking how easy it would be to kill him just then. ‘He’s so weak, it’d be too easy. But then Nyra wouldn’t get what she wants.’
“Punta, if you think I’d tell you anything about the rebels’ location, you’ve gone completely out of your mind!” The man said, still glaring at Punta.
Punta gasped dramatically. “You honestly think I, Punta, would want to find those awful rebels?” She said, exaggerating every word, “Then you’re right. Start explaining or that precious little daughter of yours won’t live to see the next full moon.”
Krym gasped. Keita! They couldn’t hurt her. She meant too much to him, and Punta knew it. “If you touch even one strand of her hair, I’ll kill you!” He said, jumping to his feet, knocking Punta backwards a few steps. His hand went to his belt, but he soon remembered that they had taken away his dagger. He saw Punta’s hand reach for the sword that hung at her waist, and quickly grabbed her hand and twisted it around behind her back so she couldn’t move.




Punta jabbed him in the stomach with her free arm, then pushed him back into the chair, which creaked when he landed in it. “Don’t try that again. You might just die.” Punta said, glaring at him. He hadn’t hurt her, but if he had wanted to, he could have killed her when he had grabbed her, if he had applied the right amount of force on her pressure points, she would’ve fainted, and he could have escaped.
‘Why didn’t he knock me out? He had the chance…or, does he want to tell me information, and send the army into a trap? Or…he could have wanted me to think that, and then get me thinking on this too much to believe what he said? He is much to smart; I’ll have to kill him after I get what I want.’

[.avaline]

Good!

[Cujo]

Thanks! I'm actually thinking about changing the title to 'Starlit Dreams', but I'm not quite sure...does everything make sense in the prologue? My friend from school said some parts are confusing, but once I explained it to her she understood...should I change anything?

[Cujo]

(this is the first chapter...hope you guys like it!)

A young girl with light brown hair and bright silver-gray eyes walked into the barn. “Star!” She called, walking between the stalls, glancing into each one as she passed them, searching for her horse.

An all black horse with a white mane and tail stuck her head through the last stall opening, and neighed to the girl, wanting out.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” The girl said, jogging down to where her horse waited. She opened the stall’s door, and Star walked out into the center of the isle.

“Keita, where are you going?”
Keita sighed. “I was going out to the field with Star. I won’t be gone long mom, honest!” She had hoped to get out to the field before her mother had noticed her.

“Have you finished your chores?”

“Yes.”

“Have you finished your homework?”

“Yes.”

“Have you-“

“Mom! I’ve done everything! Can I go, please?” Keita begged, grabbing Star’s bridle and saddle off their hooks on the wall behind her.

“Yes, but be back before dark, alright?”

“Ok, I will.” Keita said, saddling Star and climbing up onto her back. She nudged Star forward, but her mom grabbed Star’s reins before she could leave.

“If you see any soldiers, come straight home.” She said, holding onto Star’s reins tightly.

“Yes mother, I will.”



“Promise me.”

“Fine, I promise.”

Keita sighed again. She worries about me to much. She thought on her way to the field on the east side of their property. Once she reached the gate she got off Star and undid the latch so they could get in.

Keita walked lead Star into the field and removed her bridle and saddle, setting them down on a rock. Keita watched Star as she trotted around, looking for a shady spot to graze. She glanced around, and, seeing someone on the other side of the field, stood up and began walking towards them.

“Hi. Can I help you?” Keita asked the boy once she got within ear shot.

“Hello. I was looking for Keita, is she here?” the boy asked, climbing over then fence. He was about a foot taller than Keita; he had black hair that was cut so it fell just above his eyebrows in the front, but longer in the back. His eyes were an ice blue color, almost silver.

“She’s here. Who are you?” Keita said, not wanting to tell the stranger who she was until she knew who he was, and what he wanted with her.

“I’m Sirth, and I have a message for Keita, from her father.” Sirth said, smiling.

“What’s the message?”
“I was told not to give it to anyone but Keita.”

“I’m Keita. I swear.”

“You’re father said you’d be wary of me.” Sirth said, gazing at her intently.

“Well, what’s the message?” Keita said impatiently.

“You are supposed to go to Dyndra, and speak to Dante.” Sirth said, pausing. Then he continued, “And I’m supposed to accompany you.”

“My father said I was supposed to go to a city on the other side of the country, with a complete stranger?” Keita said, looking at him skeptically.

“That’s what he said, and I am no stranger. You’re mother will know me.”

“Fine. Come on then.” Keita said, turning and walking back towards the gate. After a moment’s hesitation, Sirth followed her.

[Mace]

Nice, very enjoyable! The only thing is that in the prolog, you had a place where it changes speakers and you didn't make a new paragraph. Otherwise, great.

[Cujo]

I think it did that when i copyed and pasted it. It isn't like that in the word document i've got it on...hm...

[Cujo]

//sorry about the double post//

Chapter 2:

Keita walked into the house, letting Sirth in behind her. Nasha, her golden-brown dog, barked at Sirth and sniffed him cautiously. Sirth held his hand out so Nasha could smell it.

“What’s her name?” He asked, gesturing to Nasha with his left hand.

“Nasha,” Keita said, taking off her boots and placing them next to the door, “We found her by the Nasha River. That’s why.” She finished, seeing the weird look on Sirth’s face.

“Oh. She’s a strong-looking dog. Does she hunt at all?”

“Sometimes she goes with me, but not very often. She stays here and protects my mom.”

The door to their left opened, and Keita’s mother walked into the main room. “Who’s your friend, Keita?” she asked, eyeing Sirth warily.

“Nali, you don’t remember me?” Sirth said, a look of disappointment crossing his face. “I was hoping you would.”

“You do seem familiar, although I cannot remember your name,” Nali said, “What is it?”

“Sirth.”

Nali’s jaw dropped, and she gasped in surprise. “It is so good to see you, Sirth! Tell me, how are your mother and father doing?” she said, hugging the boy.

“They…died, quite awhile ago.” Sirth said, looking away from Nali and Keita. “Krym sent me here with a message for Keita. She has to go to Diynda, and speak with Dante to receive further instruction, and I am to accompany her.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your parents,” Nali said, “They were good friends of mine.”

Keita was glancing back and forth between her mother and Sirth. ‘Diynda is so far away! She’ll never let me go…even if it is with that guy.’ She thought, sighing.

“Keita, go up to your room and pack an extra pair of clothes, and something for cold weather. Put an extra pair of shoes in too, you’ll want them.” Nali said, “You’re going to be leaving in the morning.”

Keita gasped. “You’re letting me go to Diynda, to meet some person I’ve never even heard of, with some stranger?!” She exclaimed, pointing to Sirth, “When you wouldn’t even let me go out into the field without having to promise to come home if I saw a soldier?”

“I know Dante. He’s very nice, and I trust him. Sirth is a worthy guide, he’ll teach you what you need to know and get you to Diynda safely. I trust him as well.” Nali said, and then pushed Keita towards the ladder she used to get into her room, which was more of a loft above the house.

Keita climbed up the ladder and grabbed a pack from under her bed. ‘This isn’t fair. I have to go off to Diynda, with a complete stranger, and my mother gets to stay here. She’s the one who’s always complaining that she doesn’t want me to leave, and now she just says ‘go with him, I trust him’…sheesh.’ Keita thought, shoving a pair of pants into the pack, then a shirt. She grabbed her coat, and stuck that into the bag too. She pulled her extra pair of boots out from under her bed and stuck them into the pack as well. Once she had placed her hairbrush in the bag and the locket her father had given her around her neck, she went back downstairs. “Done.”

“Good, now put your bag by the door and come have some supper.” Nali said, gesturing to the table, which Sirth was setting.

Sirth set the last plate down, and then looked over at Nali. “Is there anything else you need me to do?” he asked, willing to help.

“No, have a seat. I’ll get supper, you two can talk. It will only take me a minute.”

“Ok,” Sirth said, sitting down in the chair he was closest to. “What are your hobbies?” he asked Keita, who had sat across from him.

“Archery and riding. Reading is alright, but it isn’t as interesting as riding or archery,” Keita said, pausing. “What do you do for fun?”

“I travel all over the country. I’ve been almost everywhere. The only places I haven’t been are Diynda, and the capital. But I have a feeling that we will end up going to the capital somewhere on our journey.”

Keita blinked. “You’ve been everywhere? Even to the ocean cities?” she asked, trying to hide her amazement but failing terribly.

“Yes, I have. The ocean is very big, bigger than you could imagine. You can see where it starts, but not where it ends. It’s amazing.” Sirth said; a far-off look in his ice-blue eyes.

Nali walked in with a basket of bread, and a plate with squash and fish on it. “I’m sorry Sirth, but we don’t have much. With only the two of us here we don’t need much.”

“It’s alright, I’m used to not eating for days at a time, and when I do eat it isn’t much. When you’re always traveling it’s hard to find a decent place to have a meal.” He said, handing the tray to Keita first.

Keita took a slice of bread, then handed the basket back. She sthingyed some of the squash and fish onto her plate then placed her hands in her lap, waiting for the others to get their food before eating. Sirth passed both the basket and tray to Nali, letting them take what they wanted first. After he had put some of the food on his plate, he looked at Nali and Keita, waiting for them to begin.